Life event

In my life, there have been a lot of experiences which have helped me in the development of my character. One such event was that I was extremely attached to my mother ,like most of the other children. However, this attachment that I felt for my mother was something that was not normal. Distancing from her had been extremely intolerable for me in my childhood and I could not bear her staying far from me even for few minutes. I had always needed a sort of physical connection with her which was a common phenomenon that the boys used to experience with their mothers. This had eventually led me into depression when I was shifted to the boarding school. This traumatic experience of being away from my mother had negative impacts on my mental state as well as on my academic life. The separation from my mother is something that I was not able to deal with.

Attachment theory

According to Sigelman & Rider (2014), this is one of the theory of the human development that was developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth who aimed to describe the long term relationships between the humans. These two researchers researched with this theory and related this to the human development. They said the at according to this theory that attachments among the infant sand the children is a process of seeking a security and close proximity in situations of distress or crisis, for a purpose of survival. According to this theory, there are four stages of attachment which they have termed as pre-attachment, attachment in the making, clear cut attachment as well as formation of reciprocal relationship (Bowlby & Ainsworth, 2103). After experimenting with the human psychology, they have come up with a key phenomenon of separation anxiety, which is a psychological condition among the children when they are separated from one of their parent.

The development of the parent and child attachment is indeed a complex process and research has proved that the attachment gets deeper and deeper as the age of the child increases. This attachment has long time implications on the child as they reach the adulthood.  Mary Ainsworth had further expanded the theory of Bowlby and had come up with more types of insecure attachments (Kagitcibasi, 2017). Depending on how the children at reattached to their parents, the attachments are classified into secure, avoidant and resistant attachments.  Another category of the attachment had been defined, which included the disorganized attachment, according to which the children show stereotypical behaviour and they do not appear to know how to attach with their caregivers. Negligence was the main reason for this kind of behaviour. (Fonagy, 2018).

When I was shifted to the boarding school, it affected me in a way, which can be explained through the attachment theory. Like the other children, I used my parents as a secure base on which I could rely onto. When they left after leaving me alone with other unfamiliar faces, I became upset and uncomfortable. This had an impact on the mind as if I was neglected and avoided. This strange situation of mine found its relevance with the experimental study by Ainsworth. I had become rebellious and my self-esteem had lowered with age. Initially the separation from my parent shad made me resistant to their care. I was unable to use my parents as a secure base, unlike the previous times. I was both distressed with their departure and was equally angry with their return. I was not easily calmed by anyone and had high levels of anxiety due to inconsistent attachment patterns. This separation thus had a lifetime impact on my mental state and my psychology, as explained by the attachment theory. Being a very emotional being, the separation of my parents from me strengthened the hypothesis by Bowlby which stated that the children biologically develop attachments with their caregivers.

Sigmund Freud’s Psychosexual Theory

According to the psychosexual development theory, developed by Sigmund Freud, the personality of a person consists of three interwoven areas – the id, ego and the superego (Hoult, 2014). He also said that the parents play a very crucial role in the management of their children’s sexual desire. The five stages of the psychosexual theory included the oral, anal, phallic, latency as well as the genital stage. Each of the stage requires proper development since the very childhood, and proper nurturing is important (Kline, 2013).  According to the Freud’s structural model, the id defines the desires and the impulses of an individual’s biological needs. The ego is related to the conscience, of what is wright and what is wrong and deals with the rational apart of the personality. The ego is responsible for monitoring the behaviour to avoid any sort of negative consequences (Loevinger, 2014). Lastly the superego works in between the id and the ego. It restricts the desires of the id by applying morals and values from the society. Sigmund Freud believed that the childhood experiences are what shape our behaviour as adults. He believed that the human development is discontinuous and each stage requires proper development and nurturing.

The experience of my childhood, the separation of myself from my parent, and my moving to the boarding school had turned me ignorant and resistant to the care from my parents. This had happened because o I was very much attached with my mother. This cognitive behaviour of myself can be explained with Freud’s psychoanalytic and psychosexual theory (Sandfort, 2013). Being a boy, and being of an opposite gender to that of my mother had unconsciously resulted in the attraction towards her. This can further be explained by the phallic stage of development, which says that there is existence of sexual desires towards the opposite sex parent. In case of boys, this kind of behaviour is termed as the Oedipus complex, which involves a strong desire for his mother and an urge or tendency to replace his father with himself since he is not comfortable with his father’s close proximity with his mother. At the same time the boy starts being afraid of his father’s punishment for his feelings and as a result he experiences castration anxiety. Freud believed that we are only aware of small amount of mind’s activities. The greater part of what our mind thinks remain hidden from us. The unconscious mind rules our behavioural conduct and we tend to perform activities which we are unaware of. Thus the unconscious mind affects our behaviour. My strong resistance to separation from the close proximity of my mother can be explained with Freud’s psychoanalytic theory. Every child is attracted to their mothers. But my behaviour had been something that was not natural. This Oedipus complex of my mind can be studied with the help of the phallic stage of psychosexual behaviour. This along with the incidents defined through the attachment theory was responsible in affecting both my mental state as well as the physical state, since I wanted to remain with my mother all the time and not let father be in close proximity with her. The superego maintained the bond between the id and the ego of my unconscious self but the ego was not satisfied with the separation. It was in not ready to allow a rational performance

References:

Bowlby, J., & Ainsworth, M. (2013). The origins of attachment theory. Attachment Theory: Social, Developmental, and Clinical Perspectives, 45.

Fonagy, P. (2018). Attachment theory and psychoanalysis. Routledge.

Hoult, T. F. (2014). Human sexuality in biological perspective: Theoretical and methodological considerations. In Origins of sexuality and homosexuality(pp. 137-156). Routledge.

Kagitcibasi, C. (2017). Family, self, and human development across cultures: Theory and applications. Routledge.

Kline, P. (2013). Fact and Fantasy in Freudian Theory (RLE: Freud). Routledge.

Loevinger, J. (2014). Measuring ego development. Psychology Press.

Sandfort, T. (2013). Childhood sexuality: Normal sexual behavior and development. Routledge.

Sigelman, C. K., & Rider, E. A. (2014). Life-span human development. Cengage Learning.