Parenting

Subtopic 1: Discuss the Development of Parenting Skills

Description of Concrete Experience

 Being a naïve youth, I did not think of how getting married or having kids would bring about a new, different life and a wholly unique experience. However, sometimes I thought about how having children was going to affect my time and fun. I feared my personality would have to change for the sacrifices that I would make during childrearing. I was barely at 20’s, and my imaginations always came to one conclusion; I could not marry at whatever age despite the fact that I fancied playing with children and more so my children. This was a dilemma that soon enough, at a particular time would have to pass.

Just like an answer to what I feared most, my girlfriend got pregnant, and my life as a father began without a notice. It was the beginning of a journey to unplanned parenting which I had no clue whatsoever. In my mind, I thought of how I could postpone this but my girlfriend could not buy the opinion of abortion and therefore our biological destiny to reproduce and become altruistic kicked off. I had to seek expert advice on the best approach to raise children and later on 5^th May 2007 I officially became a father.

 Raising my son required dedication and consultations from relatives as well as others who had the experience on the same. At first, as my son grew up, I had the chance to interact with him regularly as well as playing together most of the times as I tried to figure out is a good father. However much this refreshed me, I felt a sense of responsibility and providing something to my new family became my new life challenge and fortunately, I got a job. As a parent and now a husband I thought I was moving in the right direction since I had developed excellent parental skills as well as a one year experience.

Reflections

Compared to my childhood, I always wanted to make my child’s growing experience relatively better by giving him more attention and affection. My attitude towards parenthood had changed, and rather than seeing it as a liability I took it as a way of my personal growth. However, since I did not have much time to spend with my son I started feeling the effect of our distance and the more he grew up, the more apart we grew. As a result of being preoccupied he became closer to his mother, and soon enough he began assuming the fatherly roles most of the times that I was not around. This was too fast and at the expense of his childhood.

Generalizations, Principles, and Theories

Parenting gave me an avenue to improve and broaden my personal horizons as well as an opportunity to become a better father that I wished I had. I understood parenthood is a career and just like any other, the harder I worked the more I would gain. Despite not being always there for him, I learned optimal parenting offers mutual growth for both the parent and the child while it also consists of the enthusiasm to nurture and ability to become happy together. 

 Parenthood taught me that family life involves the exchange of emotions and ideas as we learned to influence and respect each other by sacrificing personal interests especially recreation, career-related activities, and entertainment to spend more time together. This became hard though since it felt like I was losing my privacy, personal freedom and time along with physical, emotional and financial distress. Being a parent meant I was required to cope with any annoying behavior, distractions and noise without complaining or having a way out. 

Testing and Application

Parenting is a process where children and parents grow and live together; every new day brought its challenges as well as its joys as we tried to be good role models while trying to shape our kid to bring the best out of him. As much as we tried not to put excess pressure on him to achieve both academically and socially, we had to keep monitoring his development and help him discover his talent and capabilities.

Subtopic 2: Discuss Parental Values and Attitudes That Accompany Stages in the Development of the Child

Description of Concrete Experience

In the course of growth as a child I had learned most of the parenting processes, and I knew I still had a long way to go in bringing up the person I wanted my son to become. I had to forego some of my fun activities to accommodate my son and to become a role model. My attitude and behavior instantly had to change, and due to this burden of trying to become a perfect father, my life was not easy as it may have seemed. Sometimes the distress resulted in family quarrels due to some different beliefs, feelings, and thoughts on the right way to handle changes and behaviors of our child during various stages of development.

As a result of our different beliefs on handling changes, sometimes it would get back to the child and face either a positive or negative reception depending on how I was going to react on a particular issue. For instance, on matters concerning academic work, I was always strict and set some limits and schedules together with expectations on what he should have done at a specific time and the results he ought to achieve. The child did not well welcome these expectations, and hence it ended up creating a cold parent-child relationship which was inevitable.

Reflections

My son’s actions affected our attitude towards each other which was a significant setback in the family relationship. He was at the age of ten and most times he could be called upon by his teacher to bring his parent due to indiscipline cases. I felt I was losing since I did not intend to bring up one of his nature and it affected my emotions and mental strength. The feelings of depression started catching up with my family as a whole, and my wife was worried. She was expectant at this time and another kid felt like she carried the whole world on her bare hands. Pressure was mounting, I was neither always available for her nor for my child. She regularly got emotional as could have been expected due to her nature which brought more complications and unrest particularly for me as well. 

Generalizations, Principles, and Theories

With only one child I had almost given up on family, this is because good attitude indicates that reasonable control levels together with parental warmth combine to yield positive outcomes in children and if that lacks chances of a family breakdown are high. My child’s behavior had largely affected my attitude which on the other hand had further affected his behavior. I hardly knew if that was part of child development but with adolescence catching up with him I had to be strong and accommodate all these changes and situations. I came to accept that my son’s adolescence would as well have an impact on my parenting attitude and style, cognitions, thoughts, beliefs and feelings which would expand my knowledge of child growth and development.

Testing and Application

However, this was not the time to realize the meaning of everything I was going through and my mind was not at peace. My wife was six months pregnant, and by then she needed me more than any other time. I had been recently promoted at work and could not abandon either. It is at this point I decided to seek expert advice from my parents. On holidays I decided to give my son some freedom to interact with his grandparents as a way of relieving my burdens. My mother who I was closer to than my dad came home to help and give some guidance on how I was supposed to run things.

Subtopic 3: Analyze Methods of Effective Guidance

Description of Concrete Experience

 She gave me tips on problem-solving to be capable of operating the parenting role efficiently. Apparently, according to her, I was supposed to investigate what led to the distress of my child and address the issue with a fatherly approach to help him understand his situation and solve some of his problems alone. I was required to identify my child’s feelings and thoughts when his behavior was deteriorating so that I could achieve satisfactory results and help him to verbalize his thoughts and opinions.

 To prevent further misbehavior, I developed simple rules which were easy to understand, and we discussed with him together while listening to his suggestions. All through, I was supposed to guide him more effectively without shouting at him but instead listen and talk to him at the eye level while maybe touching his shoulders. I realized he always watched and followed how I spoke to other adults and children and knew when I was frustrated and how I coped with anger. He also observed how I dealt with joy and sadness and how I handled my ups and downs.

Reflections

Remembering how I was dedicated to being a great dad, I knew I had missed a step in the practical guidance of my son. I was supposed to take time, show appreciation and affection as well as get involved in all family matters no matter how much busy I could be. Most of the times are when I became worn down and frustrated by the parenting challenges in the day to day life without comprehending that most of the obstacles would not matter five years from then.

 This period I realized that threats, put-downs, and use of physical force were only interfering with his healthy development. The method of consistent limits helped him know what was expected at every particular time.

Generalizations, Principles, and Theories

The use of proper guidance was a key factor for him to make smart choices even though making those choices did not necessarily mean he could do whatever he desired but rather to reflect on his responsibilities. As a child, he needed an adult to teach, support and guide him as he grew up so that he could learn the appropriate procedures to follow for behavior change at different stages depending on his developmental needs and abilities.

Testing and Application

I resolved to be my child’s role model and be kind to him for him to show good manners and learn how to solve problems personally and among others. I took time to teach him to apologize and to correct unwanted behavior. I made him learn to participate in activities that were constructive rather than to the useless, destructive ones even though he could not do everything on his own.

Subtopic 4: Discuss the Role of Discipline; Compare and Contrast Discipline with Punishment

Description of Concrete Experience

As a result of the established daily routines, clear boundaries set and the modeled kindness and respect, he was able to become attentive and remain calm when there arose a situation which allowed him to learn how to respond in different ways. I fancied the discipline levels in him, and that also brought peace to my mind as well as a calm environment. I could finally show my affections to my wife who was now on the verge of getting a girl. As we planned to leave for the hospital to get our second born, our son was to be left in control of our home with the guidance of my mother.

Reflections

 On reflecting my childhood, I came to realize how much my parents had tried to instill discipline through teaching me self-control, responsibility, and confidence. This was a similar case to what I taught my son through my mom, by showing him what behavior was okay and the one he should have avoided. With all this kind of experience, I had qualified to be a father of two a boy and a girl. This was my happiest day knowing I was not naïve and young anymore but an experienced father who could raise disciplined children at the end.

 My resolve was to model appropriate behavior through promoting appropriate action in the kids focusing on what they were expected and allowed to do rather than using punishments which are physical and could cause pain. My son and daughter were my favorite gems that I could not trade for anything and therefore I could not imagine hitting or spanking either of them for anything wrong they did whether intentionally or by mistake. This is because the use of punishment focused on the past and offered little or no help to the children’s future behaviors. 

The use of punishment could only control or regulate my children through the fear of the consequences that I would impose if they got caught. This controlling and regulating them would only cause them to bear hatred and anger towards me rather than why they misbehaved to the extent of them thinking of how to revenge and not how to avoid such a thing in future. However, according to the experience I garnered over time, child disciplining was the least amusing part of parenthood. Sometimes as parents we were frustrated, discouraged and exhausted.

Generalizations, Principles, and Theories

Child discipline being the toughest and the most common parenthood challenges, made our kids understand their behavior better, respect others and themselves and show independence. On the other hand, the use of punishment which is philosophically wrong could not be effective in aiding them to make better choices or learn self-control. This would be harmful to their brains. At a particular time, I felt if I used hitting as a form of punishment my son would proceed to beat his classmates hence bringing up more issues and emotional complications as well as hatred of others.

Testing and Application

Both at home and school, the children could be praised and sometimes rewarded through positive reinforcements to encourage the continuation of ethical behavior and incentives for following the rules. My kids did things that irritated me to a point I could have given up on them if I was soft-hearted but I had to take time even up to an entire day to calm down to discipline them while I was under control. 

Most of the times I had to send them to their rooms or go to mine when I found them doing something so bad and later expressed to them how upset I was while trying to help them get things right.

Subtopic 5: Discuss Constructive and Destructive Elements in Parenting Styles; Identify at Least Three Categories of Parenting Styles; Include an Overview of the Parenting Behaviors Associated With Each Other and the Results Obtained From each

Description of Concrete Experience

Developing as a father did not happen overnight and I had to experience different children discipline control methods and most are the times I got it all wrong. This was when I was rigid, punitive, cold and controlling to my son just like any other authoritarian parent who left my son lonely and under no self-control as well as full of fear. In the process of learning and parenting, I realized how hard I became my son until he could not approach or give me his opinion and this time I consulted everyone that could help. I met parents who were permissive and tolerant, demanding very few from their children but I decided for the benefit of my children and my sake as a good father, I needed to be authoritative to set consistent and precise limits. In this authoritative way, I could be able to explain to my children on the behavioral requirements as well as to encourage them to become independent.

Reflections

Comparing to other parenting styles, I observed if I used the authoritarian style I would expect so much from my children such as complete cooperation and strict adherence to the rules. Despite the expectation of them being highly focused on school and obtaining higher grades together with staying away from trouble, they could end up socially shy and less interactive. I did not prefer being permissive either since my children could have ended up being damaged emotionally because of the late maturity associated with this style. 

Generalizations, Principles, and Theories

One of the lessons I have learned is that the progress of children both individually and socially is significantly impacted by how as a parent I put efforts to correct and respond to their behaviors. The parenting style primarily defined the attitude of my children I while they were young and more importantly at their adolescence stages.

Testing and Application

On my experience as a father, I spent most of my life as an authoritative parent showing affection, attentiveness and reception to my children but on the other hand implementing firm control while encouraging them to make good decisions at their capacity. I took my time to listen to their perspectives and later gave directions and guidance. I chose this kind of parenting because it was effective and had positive and fruitful impacts providing a comfortable environment for everyone. Due to this, my children were able to become self-sufficient, contented and self-controlled hence developing an overall optimistic attitude.

Subtopic 6: Discuss the Challenges to Responsible and Effective Parenting Presented by Contemporary Society

Description of Concrete Experience

Initially being the sole breadwinner in my family, I was under pressure to provide enough for everyone and save at the same time, but with time my wife also secured a job, and finally, we could manage to pay for both daily consumption and school fees. However, even as we thought life became better other challenges kicked in such as lack of enough time to spend with the children the only time being during the nights and sometimes on weekends. This had an effect on the performance of the children in school since monitoring at home had become a problem. With my fixed salary, I, however, managed to employ a caregiver to check on the children regularly.

 Parenting had become part of me, and it was not getting easier any time soon. It got harder when my wife was transferred to another city and had to move out with the kids as I was left behind and could only see my children once in a while. My relationship with my family was getting weaker every day that I did not interact with them as my job consumed almost all of my time. The children too had changed school, and I could not monitor their academic progress any further. 

 Balancing work, personal requirements and kids was necessary, and I needed to find a solution as early as possible. The fact that my kids were to grow up with a single parent in their early years never made sense to me, and therefore I got tempted to forego my job.  

Reflections

Finally, considering all the possible available options I fell for a relatively low paying job in the same city where my family lived. Not being easy but the only solution, I had to give up some spending as well as use some of my savings to get my family a better and spacious house.

Generalizations, Principles, and Theories

My separation for the six months from my family made me always think about how our bond almost got broken which would lead the children’s emotions to go astray. The family provides the primary source of development and care for the child, and each one of them withholds sensitivity and compassion within.

When the emotional bond between parents and kids get broken, they go astray from parents and live in their world. The family provides the primary source of care and development of the child, and we need to refocus on parents in this practical regard Every child withholds the spark of love, compassion and sensitivity within him/her. Issues like narcissism can be dealt with empathy when you encourage your kids to open their hearts to others and bring to light the fact that the world does not revolve around just them. 

Testing and Application

I, therefore, communicated to the whole family and decided better time management and future planning was necessary to avoid such issues in future. For being too busy most of the time, I convinced the kids I would make time for them, and they promised to be self-sufficient when we were away.

Further, we had to acquire the observation skills and information to help us discover our children’s abilities and the means to support them obtain developmental goals.