Fragment – Changes In Life

Incidents occur in one’s life daily. Most of the time people enjoy talking about “what happened today” because most of the time it’s usually funny and it isn’t really considered anything serious. Some happenings in our lives are very serious and aren’t as easy to talk about with others. Even though this is true it does help the person feel better to talk about their problems whether they realize it at first or not. Changes in life like these can change you both physically and mentally for the rest of your life depending on the severity of the situation.
In early August of `96 my life at home became a living nightmare. I don’t really know what it was that started this thing between me and my parents but I do remember that they were always doing anything they could to just annoy me. I doubt this was intentional but at the time it seemed that it was. They would find any excuse to yell or blame me for things that didn’t even involve me and they wouldn’t listen to anything I had to say at all. They were right and I was wrong, that’s the long and the short of it. It got so bad that I hated being home.
I would do anything and go anywhere just to get away from my parents; even if it meant going somewhere that I had always hated going before. When I couldn’t get out of the house I tried my best to stay in my room and keep the door closed. When they decided that they didn’t want me in my room where they couldn’t fuss at me they came up with this big idea that I was trying to hide something from them. They must have spent a lot of time trying to decide what I was trying to hide because they came up with the only halfway smart thing I had heard from them in almost a month. They had decided that I was smoking.

Too bad for them; they were wrong. Until their accusation, I hadn’t touched a cigarette but after that I did. I spent countless hours thinking about the things that were going on with my life. For almost a whole month I thought about ending my life and my problems, I thought about how I could “fix” my life by getting away from the house legally, and I wondered what their reasoning for doing this to me was. I finally decided that the smart thing to do would be just do something to get away from them legally but my next question was how then I got a tip as I was scanning through the newspaper one evening.
I was going to get a job and that would keep me away from home. I applied to the first ad I saw in the paper and strangely enough, I actually got a call from Ramada Inn in less than 3 days after applying. I went to 2 interviews and apparently passed with flying colors because I got the job about a week later. After working there for about 2 or three weeks the things happening at home had came to and end but I had finally gotten my first taste of real life with my job and it wasn’t too sweet. To tell the truth it was terrible.
I found out the real reason they hired me. It wasn’t because I was so qualified or whatever, it was because the place couldn’t get anyone to work. The reason for that was the boss was a real pain in the rear. So now, I didn’t have to worry about problems at home; I now had to worry about problems at work but at least I was getting paid for putting up with their crap. I guess that’s the price you have to pay and for me getting a job and getting rid of the problems at home ended up saving my life.
In my lifetime I have seen a lot of weird things and have had lots of experiences that have changed my life in one way or another and I’m sure that there are going to be lots more of them to come but these that really stand out in my mind are mainly because they happened quite recently. In my mind, I know that I am lucky that these “happenings” did only affect me mentally and didn’t go as far as to affect me physically because had they succeeded, I probably wouldn’t be here today. I know now that it would have only been a long term solution to a short term problem but at the time it seemed like suicide was going to be my only way out.
I began getting very frustrated with the events going on in my life and just wanted to end them all. Looking back on what I thought at the time, I am glad now that I just kept telling myself subconsciously things would get better with time. The thing is, the resolution of my problems took longer than I wanted them to. I’d say that if these problems both with my family life and my so called “work life” had continued much longer, I would have disregarded anything my friends had told me and that I had told myself about things getting better and would have ended my life as you and I know it.
You know, the more I think about it in writing this, the more I believe that I probably wouldn’t have ended it totally because I seem to have really bad luck. You may ask what this has to do with anything but I figure that if I had tried to kill myself, I would have ended up being found and taken to a doctor and they were able to save my life but I would have ended up being a vegetable but knowing some people, they probably think I’m a vegetable already.